Scary Night

Last night was the scariest night of my life. My baby was peeing blood and it completely freaked me out. I could not imagine any harm coming to my child and this was just too much for me. He looked so tiny in the hospital bed and he looked so scared, so I climbed into the bed with him while they did their tests and would go back and forth talking to us.

He is home now and he is acting like his usual self. I have to go get his prescriptions. He has been diagnosed with Glomerulonephritis, which can be viewed here.

I am scared. I don't know what to think. This is my baby.

Verbal Abuse

This was taken off of Oprah's web site, from the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond" by Patricia Evans.

VERBAL ABUSE: HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF

How can his voice drown out your inner knowing? Patricia Evans explains.


• The abuse only happens when you're alone with him. Friends and coworkers might think he's a prince, so you doubt your own perceptions or believe his anger must be your fault.

• Verbal abuse escalates gradually; you adapt. (The abuse might also become physical.) He's Jekyll and Hyde, with just enough sweet times to keep you hoping the relationship will improve.

• Assuming he's rational (aren't all men?) and wants what you want (loving mutuality), you strain to make sense of what he says. But it's nonsense, designed to confuse you. The shocking truth is, he seeks control, not intimacy.

Yet you can save your spirit. Evans maps out the steps to emotional rescue:


• Recognize that the abuse has nothing to do with you or your actions or qualities.

• Stop trying to explain and defend yourself. Instead, start setting limits: "Cut that out!" or "I don't want to hear that."

• Listen carefully to your feelings. Believe them, not him.

• Get support from a counselor or therapist. Make sure she understands that this isn't just a "conflict" or an "argument."

• Keep in mind that an abuser might be able to change himself if he really wants to—but you can't change him. You can honor and nurture yourself.


VERBAL ABUSE: HOW TO SAVE YOURSELF
Seven Signs You're In A Verbally Abusive Relationship

A checklist from the book:


1. He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he's mad, he either denies it or tells you it's in some way your fault.

2. When you feel hurt and try to talk with him, the issues never get resolved. He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying "You're just trying to start an argument!" or claiming he has no idea what you're talking about.

3. You frequently feel frustrated because you can't get him to understand your intentions.

4. You're upset—not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.

5. You sometimes think, "What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel so bad."

6. He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn't stated as "I think," but as if you're wrong and he's right.

7. You can't recall saying "Cut it out!" or "Stop it!"

Going RAW Again

I found this site that has a recipe I am going to try this weekend, considering I have all the ingredients already. It is raw wrap and can be found at the web site for Team Organic NYC. I am going to soak my chickpeas tonight so they will sprout. It takes about 48 hours, so I should be ready to enjoy them for a nice Sunday lunch. Can't wait!

Tonight I had a salad and a green juice (spinach/celery/apple/carrots/lemon/tomato). I actually like it without the apple and lemon. It was refreshing and so earthy. But very delicious and has a BEAUTIFUL green color from the spinach. I should have taken a picture of it. Here is one that has that striking green color that mine did.

Its time for me to up my raw intake. My body is yearning to be clean. I can feel that I am not a 100%. I know what I need to do, just got to do it. It truely isn't hard to eat raw when you have the right support system. Initially I was at odds with my husband who is a red meat eater and rarely eats a vegetable raw or cooked. Alas all I can do is lead by example ;). My son however instinctively enjoys his veggies and fruit. He snatched a vegan sandwhich I was eating from me (to my surprise and delight). I should probably be following his lead :).

Luckily, my brother is also vegetarian, not quite a raw vegan, but vegetarian and he loves the juices too.

P.S.

I wish I could juice at work!

Ready

I am ready to start my juice feast. In an attempt to bring some sort of calm to my currently chaotic life...I don't see how Britney does it!...I need to start within me. :) I am going to simplify what I take in and spread out from there. If all I have to do is just dwell in the act of creating something so life giving, it would just spread out to the rest of my being. Cleanse myself internally, cleanse my mind, cleanse my environment.

So last night I had my green elixir:
1 bunch of spinach
2 tomatoes
4 celery stalks
4 carrots

Cheers! It was delicious! It was healing...:)

Sleepy

I am so sleepy.

My mind is wandering.

My creativity is off today

I find myself thinking, obsessively, about silly things.

I miss my son.

My Journey

So much lately I have been dwelling on my age and what I have not accomplished. I think that maybe we all find ourselves in that situation at one point or another. Last night I meditated for the first time in forever and it felt good and funny at the same time. I had to keep asking myself if I was awake once that feeling of peace came over me. It was such a beautiful and blissful feeling. For a few moments I was at ease, no stress, no worries. But the moment was short-lived. But steadily I work towards that goal to become comfortable in my own skin.

Who am I? What am I here for?